I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
