I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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