I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
