I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
