sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
we're so committed to being not committed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
