dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
