My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
