I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think I just sharted jello shots
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
