wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
