david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
