So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
