no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
