After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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