The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
