omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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