well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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