Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
