i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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