and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
