if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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