she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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