I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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