He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
