I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
