oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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