My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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