i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
