you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
