from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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