my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
