i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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