you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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