we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
