Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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