All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sext me about skeletons
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
