Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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