yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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