so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
