New low: just hacked my moms facebook
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
