Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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