so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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