: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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