I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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