GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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