see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
