It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
