I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Randomize
