So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
