I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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