oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
