On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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