Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
