yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you never un-have a 4some
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
