I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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