Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
