Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
