what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
