He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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