We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
