Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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