i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
