fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
