What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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