No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
