Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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