you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
