I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
