Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
