I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
