I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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