I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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