Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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